also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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