Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
