I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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