you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the day after is always just damage control
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
