You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
