the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
