the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize