I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
