My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
