Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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