Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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