I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
