Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
