to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
