It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
