I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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