I want to make a zoo with you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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