I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I will pee on everything he values.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
