I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
