Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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