i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
