Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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