she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
