I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
