I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
