Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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