Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
