I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
