Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
