I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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