is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
