the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
