too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
