to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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