I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
