we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
