Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
