just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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