She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
