I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
