Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I deserve this hangover.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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