I wish my penis had an off switch
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
