I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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