And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
