he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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