You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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