I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
