god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
