Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
