bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
