Soap is not a condiment
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
BRING THE BAGELS
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
