I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize