there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
