After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
