All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
