8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
