how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
