the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
