I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
