at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize