dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
