take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
