What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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