you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
