Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
