For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
