he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
