I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
