I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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