she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize