When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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