I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
