I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
