What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
