I have demons in me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
