Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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