Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
