So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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