ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
