He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
