My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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