I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
