Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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