Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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