3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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