I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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