Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
