laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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