and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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