Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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