I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
