don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is wine microwaveable?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
