your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
