found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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