and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
