I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
this will be a night to untag.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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