My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
