it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
