singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
